The Writers - Barrington Veneer, Part 2
"The Writers" is a series of interviews with some of Brisbane's more critically and commercially successful authors, screenwriters and poets. The first is spy/thriller novelist Barrington Veneer. For Part 1 of the interview, click here.
By Rosemary Thyme
Barrington was already well into his third whiskey by the time he had finished his second. By this stage, the first had been left until last, as the first shall be last and the last shall be first. I was tiring of his chauvinistic talk and wanted some chauvinistic action, something juicy with which I could nail him to the floor, as all readers love to find out about juicy nails. Barrington has often mocked other writers, particularly the post-modern realists and the critics’ darlings, and I decided to start there.
Rosemary: Should writers give people something to think about, or just entertain and excite imaginations?
Barrington: I think, while… While many people say it’s important to make a statement… First and foremost writing should be about keeping people interested, keeping people entertained. People don’t want to know about reality or the map of the existentiality of man’s existence. It’s about keeping the reader entertained. Taking the reader to a different world – not their real world.
Rosemary: So… Would it be fair to say that you are not a friend of realism?
Barrington: I suppose so… I guess, what I’m really trying to say is people are always talking about stories being real… Finding reality and what’s truth… People are always talking about real stories. And good luck to them… obviously… But then they go and write about a manic depressive junkie drag queen discussing the relative merits of using philosophy in science with a pregnant priest who can’t speak English. That’s not real!
Rosemary: Many people find comfort in reality-based literature, it gives them a form of identity.
Barrington: In my experience - and I have several million copies sold to prove it - people don’t want reality. They want to be entertained.
Rosemary: Well, Angela’s Ashes was a phenomenon, only really eclipsed recently by Harry Potter and The Da Vinci Code--
Barrington: --Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code? I haven’t read that one.
Rosemary: No, I meant two different books. What I am saying is that Angela’s Ashes was a heavy dose of realism, but people snapped it up quickly.
Barrington: Yeah well, he was Irish… They’re all tortured. Some people like to read pain… Others like to date it. I don’t like either, although I’ve had my fair share of realism. I mean, look at Harry Potter.
Rosemary: You’ve dated Harry Potter?
Barrington: No, although between you and me (winks), I wouldn’t mind having a bash, if you know what I mean. Bit of all right. Ha, ha.
Rosemary: You’d like to date a fictional, teenaged male wizard?
Barrington: JK Rowling. I mean JK Rowling. That’s who I meant, although … I mean… some people might like to date Harry… and good luck to them, he’s a nice young man if you like that sort of thing and pretty good with a wand and a broom, which is handy. Ha, ha. Which...witch.... which is handy. Witch? Get it? HA!
Rosemary: (false laugh) Ha, ha. (shuffles papers) Speaking in a broad, simple way, can you explain how to write a successful book.
Barrington: Well, If you structure it properly, anyone can write a book. Well, not literally, let’s face it some people are pretty crap. I remember reading Men Are From Mars and I just thought “what’s going on here?”. I make a lot of money but that bloke made more money going to the toilet before sitting at the computer.
Rosemary: So what is your secret to a successful novel?
Barrington: Right. Well, you need a story. That helps. You need to be able to have an imagination and prepare to do some research…And you need to be able to read and write so that counts out most of the Third World – most of them can’t even speak English. Ha, ha.
Rosemary: (wincing) Yes…
Barrington: (leaning forward business-like) Look, it’s like getting a woman into bed – you’ve got to go about it the right way otherwise you’ll end up being caught with your pants round your ankles and the only person who will be excited by your work will be you.
Rosemary: What is the right way?
Barrington: Well, you see…
Barrington, blows his nose, swigs a whisky and crosses the room to a whiteboard, whereupon he takes a marker and begins to draw a series of diagrams and tables in an attempt to explain the way he works. The attempt is unsuccessful, but I nod and smile as though it isn’t.
Rosemary: Right.
By Rosemary Thyme
Barrington was already well into his third whiskey by the time he had finished his second. By this stage, the first had been left until last, as the first shall be last and the last shall be first. I was tiring of his chauvinistic talk and wanted some chauvinistic action, something juicy with which I could nail him to the floor, as all readers love to find out about juicy nails. Barrington has often mocked other writers, particularly the post-modern realists and the critics’ darlings, and I decided to start there.
Rosemary: Should writers give people something to think about, or just entertain and excite imaginations?
Barrington: I think, while… While many people say it’s important to make a statement… First and foremost writing should be about keeping people interested, keeping people entertained. People don’t want to know about reality or the map of the existentiality of man’s existence. It’s about keeping the reader entertained. Taking the reader to a different world – not their real world.
Rosemary: So… Would it be fair to say that you are not a friend of realism?
Barrington: I suppose so… I guess, what I’m really trying to say is people are always talking about stories being real… Finding reality and what’s truth… People are always talking about real stories. And good luck to them… obviously… But then they go and write about a manic depressive junkie drag queen discussing the relative merits of using philosophy in science with a pregnant priest who can’t speak English. That’s not real!
Rosemary: Many people find comfort in reality-based literature, it gives them a form of identity.
Barrington: In my experience - and I have several million copies sold to prove it - people don’t want reality. They want to be entertained.
Rosemary: Well, Angela’s Ashes was a phenomenon, only really eclipsed recently by Harry Potter and The Da Vinci Code--
Barrington: --Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code? I haven’t read that one.
Rosemary: No, I meant two different books. What I am saying is that Angela’s Ashes was a heavy dose of realism, but people snapped it up quickly.
Barrington: Yeah well, he was Irish… They’re all tortured. Some people like to read pain… Others like to date it. I don’t like either, although I’ve had my fair share of realism. I mean, look at Harry Potter.
Rosemary: You’ve dated Harry Potter?
Barrington: No, although between you and me (winks), I wouldn’t mind having a bash, if you know what I mean. Bit of all right. Ha, ha.
Rosemary: You’d like to date a fictional, teenaged male wizard?
Barrington: JK Rowling. I mean JK Rowling. That’s who I meant, although … I mean… some people might like to date Harry… and good luck to them, he’s a nice young man if you like that sort of thing and pretty good with a wand and a broom, which is handy. Ha, ha. Which...witch.... which is handy. Witch? Get it? HA!
Rosemary: (false laugh) Ha, ha. (shuffles papers) Speaking in a broad, simple way, can you explain how to write a successful book.
Barrington: Well, If you structure it properly, anyone can write a book. Well, not literally, let’s face it some people are pretty crap. I remember reading Men Are From Mars and I just thought “what’s going on here?”. I make a lot of money but that bloke made more money going to the toilet before sitting at the computer.
Rosemary: So what is your secret to a successful novel?
Barrington: Right. Well, you need a story. That helps. You need to be able to have an imagination and prepare to do some research…And you need to be able to read and write so that counts out most of the Third World – most of them can’t even speak English. Ha, ha.
Rosemary: (wincing) Yes…
Barrington: (leaning forward business-like) Look, it’s like getting a woman into bed – you’ve got to go about it the right way otherwise you’ll end up being caught with your pants round your ankles and the only person who will be excited by your work will be you.
Rosemary: What is the right way?
Barrington: Well, you see…
Barrington, blows his nose, swigs a whisky and crosses the room to a whiteboard, whereupon he takes a marker and begins to draw a series of diagrams and tables in an attempt to explain the way he works. The attempt is unsuccessful, but I nod and smile as though it isn’t.
Rosemary: Right.
Keep watching this site for the third and final part of this interview.
____
Rosemary Thyme is actually two of Wit’s writers, Cory Ander and Jethro Jake. Their other work can be found here, here, here and here.
posted by Lord Beavish at 11:55 am
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